Sober curious? How to tell if it’s time to take a break from alcohol
Quick takeaway
Being sober curious means looking honestly at the part alcohol plays in your life without having decided to give it up for good. A trial break of a few weeks or a month is the clearest test available to you: people who aren’t dependent usually find it unremarkable, while people who are dependent find it much harder than they expected. If you can’t keep to the break, feel physically unwell on the days you don’t drink, or hide how much you get through, that points to something that should be explored. I’m Peter J Davies of Addiction Care, and I help people on this path.
Table of Contents
The idea of being sober curious rarely appears in a dramatic way. Perhaps you’ve begun to notice the presence of alcohol in your life a bit more. You might not even be consuming more, but you might feel that it’s a bit too central for your liking. Nobody has said anything, and you wouldn’t call it a problem, though you’d like to know what a few weeks without it might feel like.
I’m Peter J Davies, and I’ve worked as an addiction specialist in Guildford for more than 20 years. Plenty of the people who contact me begin exactly here, curious rather than in crisis. Below I’ll explain what sober curious means, the signs that a break is worth taking, how to go about one, and what to do if it turns out harder than you expected.
What does sober curious mean?
Sober curious describes choosing to examine your drinking rather than carrying on out of habit. The writer Ruby Warrington gave the idea its name in her 2018 book Sober Curious, and campaigns like Dry January have made the experiment an ordinary thing to try. It asks nothing of you in the way of labels, diagnoses or lifelong promises. Day to day, it looks like one of these:
- Taking a set period off alcohol, then noticing how you feel
- Drinking on fewer occasions, or only when you’ve decided in advance to
- Saying no to a drink without offering an explanation
- Paying attention to what alcohol actually does for you, rather than what you assume it does
You’d be in more company than you might think. In the Office for National Statistics’ last survey of adult drinking habits in Great Britain, 20.4% of adults said they don’t drink at all.
Signs it might be time to take a break from alcohol
Curiosity rarely arrives out of nowhere. Something has usually prompted it, and it helps to name what that might be for you. You might recognise a few of these:
- Drinking more than you meant to on most occasions
- Thinking about your first drink of the evening well before you pour it
- Using alcohol to manage stress, sleep or low mood
- Feeling uneasy about an evening out where there won’t be alcohol
- Trying to cut down before and not keeping it up
- Someone close to you mentioning your drinking, even as a joke
None of these on its own confirms a problem with alcohol. Several together, over months, describe a relationship that’s worth testing. A break will tell you more in a fortnight than the list will.
How do I cut down my drinking?
Most people who try to drink less do it with a vague plan of good intentions, which gives them nothing to hold onto by Friday. A break works better when you give it a shape.
- Choose a length and write it down. Two weeks is enough to notice something; a month gives a fuller picture
- Decide what you’ll drink instead, and have it in the house before day one
- Prepare the sentence you’ll use when a drink is offered. “Not tonight, thanks” needs no follow-up
- Keep to the UK Chief Medical Officers’ guidance if you do decide to drink: no more than 14 units a week, spread across three or more days
- Tell one person, so the plan exists outside your own head
- Note down what changes, day by day, rather than trusting yourself to remember
The differences tend to show up quickly. Among people who completed Dry January in research by Dr Richard de Visser for Alcohol Change UK, 70% slept better, 66% had more energy and 86% saved money. Six months later they were still drinking less than before.
What a break from alcohol tells you
Pay attention to how the first week goes, because that’s where the useful answers are normally found.
| What you notice during the break | What it may be telling you |
|---|---|
| The days pass without much thought about alcohol | Your drinking is habit rather than dependence, and a change of routine will hold |
| Sleep improves, mornings get easier, your mood steadies | Alcohol was costing you more than you knew |
| You keep renegotiating the rules, or the break ends early without your deciding to end it | The habit has more of a hold than you thought, and it’s worth talking to someone |
| Shaking, sweating, nausea or severe anxiety on days without a drink | Your body has become physically dependent, and you need medical advice before stopping |
That last row matters more than the others. Alcohol withdrawal can be dangerous, so if you’ve been drinking heavily every day, speak to your GP before you stop rather than pressing on alone.
Where to find local support for a drinking reset near Guildford
If the break showed you something you’d rather not sit with alone, the next step doesn’t have to be dramatic. I run Addiction Care from consulting rooms in central Guildford, Surrey, offering one-to-one therapy face to face or online by Zoom. Everything we discuss is confidential, and you don’t need to have reached a conclusion before you call.
We start with an assessment; a conversation about what you’re drinking, what it does for you, and whether that amounts to dependence. If it does, we talk through what would help, and residential rehab is not the only route. If you’re reading this because of someone else’s drinking, I also run a Family Programme for partners, parents and adult children.
Taking the first step
Curiosity about your drinking is worth acting on while it’s still curiosity. A short break costs you very little and tells you a good deal, and whatever it shows you, you’ll decide what comes next on better information than you had before.
If you would like to talk, either for yourself or for a loved one, please call 01483 533808 or get in touch online to book a confidential assessment. You’re welcome to bring nothing more than a question.
Frequently asked questions
How long should a sober curious break from alcohol be?
Two weeks is enough to notice changes in sleep, energy and mood, while a month shows you how much you rely on alcohol socially. If you’ve been drinking heavily every day, speak to your GP before stopping, because withdrawal can be medically dangerous.
Can I be sober curious if I drink every day?
You can be curious about it, and the fact that you’re asking is worth taking seriously. Daily drinking raises the chance that your body has adapted to alcohol, so speak to your GP or an addiction specialist before you test yourself with a sudden break.
What’s the difference between being sober curious and being in recovery?
Sober curious people choose to take a break and can usually stop and start without much difficulty. Recovery describes the ongoing work of someone dependent on alcohol, for whom drinking again carries serious risk. The two overlap when a break uncovers a dependence that was already there.